Posted on 9th June 2020
I used to be what some would call a negative person, a victim, that the world was against me and life wasn’t fair. I guess repressing my femininity could certainly have been a contributory factor to my attitude, but essentially I have now come to realise that whatever the cause I was thinking in a way that was detrimental to my happiness and essentially my life. I would say at this time I had spent all of my teens, 20’s and 30’s running away from things, not facing the truth about me. I was conditioned like everyone else to want the life of a family with 2.4 children with the house and the type of life you can see a million times over either on television or just in general life. For some reason the simple things did not come easy to me, I was just following a path that had been laid out for me and yet it always seemed I was going against the grain even though nobody else was finding the same.
I lost my interest in faith in things for over two years then something changed in my life in April 2018. I had taken the year off in an attempt to go full time as Natasha, and one of the amazing things I discovered was that now that I was able to be me every day I no longer needed to spend time thinking about dressing or looking at pictures from when I last dressed. My mind was suddenly free to start thinking about things I wanted to do with my life, and I started having dreams and goals to strive for. I believe my fixation on wanting to express myself had monopolised my thoughts and therefore my life, and once that blockage was removed by listening to my heart and following my desire life began to change for me.
I started to study every day reading about the mind and human behaviour, and I learnt about the significance of thoughts. Although they appear to be secret and without consequence, this is far from the truth. I have learnt that we become what we think about all day long as Dr Wayne Dyer would profess in his seminars. My impending transition would seem to support this quote.
I learnt that from childhood we are conditioned between the ages of 0 and 8, and then through our experiences in life, and this conditioning dictates our thoughts. It is said that we have approximately 60,000 thoughts a day most of which are the same each day and a lot of these are negative to either ourselves or others.
This will explain why I and many other T-girls have struggled with the back and forth in the mind of what you want to do and who you want to be. We want to move forward and be our true feminine selves as our heart yearns for it, then we pull back due to our conditioning which maybe thoughts such as it is wrong or any other negative life reference you may have had. I believe the first step in breaking free from those chains is to understand that we will have a number of beliefs in our subconscious mind that will resist you moving forward, some of which may not have been put there by us, and yet they are what is holding us back. I have broken free from many of my paradigms and am now living full time on the path of transitioning but want to help other people understand we can have, do or be anything we want. I spent many years wrestling with the idea of who I am and then decided to just go for it and move forward and reach for my dreams.
"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."
Henry David Thoreau
I now live with a completely different attitude taking responsibility for all that has happened in my life and I strive each day to be positive with my thoughts never allowing myself to stew on a negative thought as I had once before.
Why is this important? I think it is important for every human on the planet to learn how to better filter and focus on the thoughts they want, but for me this is even more crucial for transgender people seeking to evolve because they will need to realise that in most cases we are what is holding us back, and nobody else needs to change but us.
Whatever may happen from this day forward I will never allow myself to go back to the way I used to think because I understand that our thoughts direct our lives. I now spend time thinking about what I do want and not what I do not want.
I wanted to include a poem from the book You were born rich by Bob Proctor as it is a great take on learning to think differently about ourselves…
One and Only You
Every single blade of grass, and every flake of snow - is just a wee bit different …There’s no two alike you know. From something small, like grains of sand, To each gigantic star All were made with THIS in mind: To be just what they are! How foolish then, to imitate - How useless to pretend! Since each of us comes from a MIND Whose ideas never end. There’ll only be just ONE of ME. To show what I can do - And you should likewise feel very proud, There’s only ONE of YOU. That is where it all starts with you, a wonderful unlimited human being.
James T. Moore
Until next time thank you for reading stay positive and keep your eye on the life you wish to create for yourself.
Natasha
xxx
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